I've been unemployed too long.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Oh, hi! Didn't see you there.
I don't know, I feel like I should be blogging. I forgot that it doesn't have to be all words:
Friday, August 24, 2007
Ten True Stories About Brennan
My brother is 21 today. As is customary in the US when a young man reaches the legal drinking age, here are ten anecdotes about Brennan Clark.
1. Although this is the first day that Brennan may legally purchase alcohol or drink liquor in a bar, he is nooooo stranger to the sauce.
2. When he was in 5th or 6th grade, Brennan was in a skit for his Odyssey of the Mind (now Destination Imagination) team, in which he played an incompetent witch-trial judge who wore a bathrobe and had his pants around his ankles. One line was, "You will be hung with relish, and a complementary bar of soap from our resort lounge." Fucking sweet for an 11-year-old.
3. As a high school senior, Brennan was voted Mr. AHS after a talent segment in which he performed stand-up, after first entering the stage, looking out at the audience, and visibly peeing his coveralls. (This was the same day I was picked up for shoplifting.)
3a. He bought the coveralls because he "just wanted some coveralls" but he told the guy who sold them to him that he was "doing some work on a deck" because otherwise it would have hurt the guy's feelings.
4. After he got his appendix out, Brennan lay on the couch for a few days, spitting into a mug. It was really, really gross and I don't like to think of our parents at home, using that mug as though it didn't at one point hold pounds of Brennan's post-op saliva. (What? I never said these were all going to be positive stories; he's not a dead cat named Barney.)
5. The musical Godspell opens with the cast passing around a bucket of face paints and drawing on one another's cheeks, to mark themselves as disciples. The night of our dress rehearsal in 2000, Brennan opted against the traditional peace sign or crescent moon, choosing instead a glorious blue moustache.
Our mum was videotaping that night, and there are multiple shots of me starting to say a line, seeing Brennan and laughing hysterically, much as the real Jesus would have done.
6. Once when we were middle schoolers wandering around CVS, I expressed an intention to shoplift some green lipstick. Brennan bought it for me so I wouldn't.
7. Brennan knows every word to the extended version of Rapper's Delite. That's just cool.
8. Brennan has read every book in the Redwall series multiple times. Also incredibly, incredibly cool.
9. Brennan and his friends from home made a movie called iJustico! which features Brennan and his friend Jimmy sleeping side-by-side in the "Hetero-Tent," until they have a spat and Brennan is kicked out: "You're sleeping on the log tonight."
10. Uh, he's just generally pretty kickass.
Photo by Maari Suorsa.
Happy birthday, Mr. Bunnykins.
1. Although this is the first day that Brennan may legally purchase alcohol or drink liquor in a bar, he is nooooo stranger to the sauce.
2. When he was in 5th or 6th grade, Brennan was in a skit for his Odyssey of the Mind (now Destination Imagination) team, in which he played an incompetent witch-trial judge who wore a bathrobe and had his pants around his ankles. One line was, "You will be hung with relish, and a complementary bar of soap from our resort lounge." Fucking sweet for an 11-year-old.
3. As a high school senior, Brennan was voted Mr. AHS after a talent segment in which he performed stand-up, after first entering the stage, looking out at the audience, and visibly peeing his coveralls. (This was the same day I was picked up for shoplifting.)
3a. He bought the coveralls because he "just wanted some coveralls" but he told the guy who sold them to him that he was "doing some work on a deck" because otherwise it would have hurt the guy's feelings.
4. After he got his appendix out, Brennan lay on the couch for a few days, spitting into a mug. It was really, really gross and I don't like to think of our parents at home, using that mug as though it didn't at one point hold pounds of Brennan's post-op saliva. (What? I never said these were all going to be positive stories; he's not a dead cat named Barney.)
5. The musical Godspell opens with the cast passing around a bucket of face paints and drawing on one another's cheeks, to mark themselves as disciples. The night of our dress rehearsal in 2000, Brennan opted against the traditional peace sign or crescent moon, choosing instead a glorious blue moustache.
Our mum was videotaping that night, and there are multiple shots of me starting to say a line, seeing Brennan and laughing hysterically, much as the real Jesus would have done.
6. Once when we were middle schoolers wandering around CVS, I expressed an intention to shoplift some green lipstick. Brennan bought it for me so I wouldn't.
7. Brennan knows every word to the extended version of Rapper's Delite. That's just cool.
8. Brennan has read every book in the Redwall series multiple times. Also incredibly, incredibly cool.
9. Brennan and his friends from home made a movie called iJustico! which features Brennan and his friend Jimmy sleeping side-by-side in the "Hetero-Tent," until they have a spat and Brennan is kicked out: "You're sleeping on the log tonight."
10. Uh, he's just generally pretty kickass.
Photo by Maari Suorsa.
Happy birthday, Mr. Bunnykins.
Monday, August 20, 2007
There's a new German bar, Prost! in Chicago's Lincoln Park neighborhood. For those who didn't have a German best friend in high school, "Prost!" is what Germans say when they clink their steins together, spilling dollops of foamy suds onto one another's strong, Aryan wrists.
I rode my bike past Prost! yesterday and shook my head. "They are really trying much too hard for German authenticity," I sniffed. "It's not like--"
It was at this point that I began to backpedal, literally, as if by doing so I could make my brain go backwards until I forgot that I had been about to say: "It's not like in America we would call a bar Cheers."
I rode my bike past Prost! yesterday and shook my head. "They are really trying much too hard for German authenticity," I sniffed. "It's not like--"
It was at this point that I began to backpedal, literally, as if by doing so I could make my brain go backwards until I forgot that I had been about to say: "It's not like in America we would call a bar Cheers."
Thursday, August 9, 2007
How To Be Cool, Part 875: How To Accept A Dubious Compliment
Click to enlarge.
What exactly is "a glass of water," anyway? I always thought it meant you were tall, and certainly I'm no pygmy-- but at 5'7, I can't even reach "damn, girl" territory on my tiptoes.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
This is the chart my roommates use to decide how to deal with objects.
I know it's none of my business; they're not my prematurely brittle tortillas and unspreadable peanut butter, it's not my unused black-and-white film. Still, when The Unfridgables are edging out my cherries, my hummus and my bowl of underpants, it's hard not to get annoyed.
I know it's none of my business; they're not my prematurely brittle tortillas and unspreadable peanut butter, it's not my unused black-and-white film. Still, when The Unfridgables are edging out my cherries, my hummus and my bowl of underpants, it's hard not to get annoyed.
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