Hey! You!

Have you ever been in the mood for the exact opposite of an avocado? Why not try a Florida avocado?

With its pondwater flavor, quick-browning fruit, and a consistency wholly unsuited for guacamole, you'll hardly believe that the Florida avocado has just 1/3 of the calories and 1/2 the fat of its palatable cousin! One-third of the calories! That's only a 1500% calorie increase from every other vegetable ever!

Seriously, fuck Florida.